Do you ever feel lonely even when surrounded by people? Well, I felt that way today. I feel that way now, but I'm not in a crowded room. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm off today. :P Not my favorite thing to be, but I don't really feel like figuring out exactly what's wrong. These kinds of moods make me rather pensive though.
I think about the future. Even though it seems pretty planned out, I am still unsure of it. I find myself thinking more and more about the summer and fall, how different things will be, how new and cold at first. I shall feel very lonely at first, I know it. I haven't had to move away from a place I loved in 11 years. That's a long time. I'm pretty set as far as friendships go. Especially since the best ones have only recently developed in the past year or two.
But, then again, I will be glad to move away from a place that reminds me so much of a painful-ish past. I say painful-ish because my life hasn't been that hard. Life is only as hard as we make it out to be. It all depends on our outlook.
Oh, I get so lonely sometimes. Not the kind of loneliness that comes with lack of social interaction. No, it is a different sort of loneliness. I am trying very hard to be patient, trying to be open-minded, trying to be... less lonely.
I'm not as intelligent as some may think. I struggle with the same thing everyone else does, sin. Oh, sin is nasty! Ruins everything. My mood, my behavior, my interactions with others. It's stupid. Grrr.
Yet, that is part of the reason why living is so wonderful. Sin cannot ruin the destination of my soul. No matter how great it is, I shall still see my Savior one happy day.
I have taken to writing song lyrics recently. Personally, I have no idea how I can come up with such corny stuff, but I figure that the more I do it, the better it will become. It doesn't always just roll off my fingertips onto whatever medium I choose to record it. I should very much like to be able to write song lyrics like U2 does.
Ya know, she was right. Writing helps you organize thought. And once you have written out all the thoughts in your head, you can think newer, happier ones.
I should do this more often.
